happy birthday to the most amazing man i have ever met!!!!
happy birthday storm!!!!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
a break from vacation....
i've had one week of summer vacation. tomorrow starts a two-week class about becoming a better teacher...
except for the fact i have to get up even earlier for it than i did during the school year, this should be a cool class.
i don't know, do you ever feel that you are miles away from where you would like to be? everything is fine with storm and i, but the lack of sex is starting to distract me...
i feel unfullfilled in almost every aspect of my day....i've been productive all week, getting things done, starting the diet....but none of it's satisfying...
i guess i'm just a spoiled brat who's use to having sex regularly...one of my friends admitted she hadn't had sex in two years and i thought "what is that? the plot to a horror movie?"
i think it's worse because storm is still in my life....i think that came out wrong...but as long as his presence is felt by me, there's the promise of good sex...."if he feels better tomorrow, then we can meet up...." "maybe later when he meet, he'll be feeling better...."
so my day has a little disappointment to it each day.....and i don't blame storm, it's not his fault....but even the thought of going out in search of a new fuck toy to distract me doesn't do anything to me...i ache for storm. his parts ache to be claimed by him.....
even my good old vibrator leaves me wanting more....
god, who knew i could become this bitchy from lack of sex....
whine, whine, whine....i should stop...but i feel it soaks into every bit of my life...
man, when storm is up to it....i'm gonna jump that fine ass of his!!!!
except for the fact i have to get up even earlier for it than i did during the school year, this should be a cool class.
i don't know, do you ever feel that you are miles away from where you would like to be? everything is fine with storm and i, but the lack of sex is starting to distract me...
i feel unfullfilled in almost every aspect of my day....i've been productive all week, getting things done, starting the diet....but none of it's satisfying...
i guess i'm just a spoiled brat who's use to having sex regularly...one of my friends admitted she hadn't had sex in two years and i thought "what is that? the plot to a horror movie?"
i think it's worse because storm is still in my life....i think that came out wrong...but as long as his presence is felt by me, there's the promise of good sex...."if he feels better tomorrow, then we can meet up...." "maybe later when he meet, he'll be feeling better...."
so my day has a little disappointment to it each day.....and i don't blame storm, it's not his fault....but even the thought of going out in search of a new fuck toy to distract me doesn't do anything to me...i ache for storm. his parts ache to be claimed by him.....
even my good old vibrator leaves me wanting more....
god, who knew i could become this bitchy from lack of sex....
whine, whine, whine....i should stop...but i feel it soaks into every bit of my life...
man, when storm is up to it....i'm gonna jump that fine ass of his!!!!
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
a question of respect....
if you are looking for some sexy posts....both you and i are gonna have to wait. my libido is coming back but storm is still recovering....and i miss him. and i miss my sex life....
anywho, i noticed something on some other sites that bothers me....i see this mostly on hard-core master/slave sites...when another man comes on and starts bad-mouthing the slave's master & makes the comment "if you were my slave...." OR "if you belonged to me...."
now this has never happened to me (mostly because my blog has never been a hard-core blog) but it really bothers me to see these men pushing themselves on a site like that.
i think the men who do this type of thing do this for three reasons: 1) they don't have a slave and 2) they are hoping to present their level of understanding the slave so when things go bad with her master, she can say to herself "well, that other blogger really understands me...maybe he'll be a better master." and finally, 3) they want that woman for themselves
and here's what really gets me....the sites i have seen this on, the slave is so devoted to her master that she's not going anywhere....but that's what the "slave stealer" wants....the devotion...and it's not going to happen....yeah, this slave shows wonderful devotion....so what makes you think she's gonna up and leaver her master for you?
now for the record, there is a HUGE difference between the man who says "this is what my slave and i did" and "if you were my slave i'd...."
i guess what it boils down to is respect....respect for the master. i feel it's showing disrespect to come on another woman's site (m/s, bdsm, or vanilla) and start to put down her current relationship and talk as if you were as important to her.
does it bother me to see other men (or women for that matter) mentioning fucking the other person.....if it's in response to a sexy, risque post and the comment is to flirt or flatter, no....i don't think it's disrespectful...as long as it is welcomed on the site.
do i think it's bad when another man asks to see pictures of tits, ass, and sex play? do you not know who i'm with???
anywho, i noticed something on some other sites that bothers me....i see this mostly on hard-core master/slave sites...when another man comes on and starts bad-mouthing the slave's master & makes the comment "if you were my slave...." OR "if you belonged to me...."
now this has never happened to me (mostly because my blog has never been a hard-core blog) but it really bothers me to see these men pushing themselves on a site like that.
i think the men who do this type of thing do this for three reasons: 1) they don't have a slave and 2) they are hoping to present their level of understanding the slave so when things go bad with her master, she can say to herself "well, that other blogger really understands me...maybe he'll be a better master." and finally, 3) they want that woman for themselves
and here's what really gets me....the sites i have seen this on, the slave is so devoted to her master that she's not going anywhere....but that's what the "slave stealer" wants....the devotion...and it's not going to happen....yeah, this slave shows wonderful devotion....so what makes you think she's gonna up and leaver her master for you?
now for the record, there is a HUGE difference between the man who says "this is what my slave and i did" and "if you were my slave i'd...."
i guess what it boils down to is respect....respect for the master. i feel it's showing disrespect to come on another woman's site (m/s, bdsm, or vanilla) and start to put down her current relationship and talk as if you were as important to her.
does it bother me to see other men (or women for that matter) mentioning fucking the other person.....if it's in response to a sexy, risque post and the comment is to flirt or flatter, no....i don't think it's disrespectful...as long as it is welcomed on the site.
do i think it's bad when another man asks to see pictures of tits, ass, and sex play? do you not know who i'm with???
Thursday, June 14, 2007
observations....
***my cat ripped off the tushy end of her fake mouse....the tail is still there, but it's now bald at the end...it reminds me of that movie "the great outdoors" when they shoot the bear in the ass with the lamp shotgun....i found it very hilarious.
***i have to leave my turtle tank open when the heat lamp is on....and the cat's favorite game is to smack the turtle off the rock....she's (the cat) is in time out right now...i'm sure she doesn't care about the turtle, because once i let her out of the room, she's just going to knock the turtle back into the water...
***i have to eat yogurt about twice a day for this diet....i don't think i like yogurt...i keep telling myself "it's about losing weight & trying new healthy food"...if you put some junk in front of me that i've never tried, i'll eat it and wonder where it's been all my life....why can't i feel that way about brocoli?
***it's very hot & my apartment is not air conditioned...i find i can keep things cool by not turning on the tv (it puts out a lot of heat) & keeping all the lights off....but it's so dark all i want to do is sleep. but it's cool in here.
***i am missing storm very much...my sex drive is coming back but he's not feeling very good. it's starting to annoy me.
***all these friends want me to go out to eat/drink with them now that i'm not working. i want to be good on my new diet & i know that going out is a bad idea...plus, i'm really cool with the idea of waiting...which i think is really the main reason i don't want to go out...i just don't want to go.
***my belly dance class is going to be really hot & she makes you sweat. that's all, i just hate sweating...i really hate it.
***above my front door i put the sign "beyond this place there be dragons" just to make a statement....i love it...and i am starting to believe it.
okay, that's enough...this has been a small tour of wind walker's brain....hope you enjoyed it.
***i have to leave my turtle tank open when the heat lamp is on....and the cat's favorite game is to smack the turtle off the rock....she's (the cat) is in time out right now...i'm sure she doesn't care about the turtle, because once i let her out of the room, she's just going to knock the turtle back into the water...
***i have to eat yogurt about twice a day for this diet....i don't think i like yogurt...i keep telling myself "it's about losing weight & trying new healthy food"...if you put some junk in front of me that i've never tried, i'll eat it and wonder where it's been all my life....why can't i feel that way about brocoli?
***it's very hot & my apartment is not air conditioned...i find i can keep things cool by not turning on the tv (it puts out a lot of heat) & keeping all the lights off....but it's so dark all i want to do is sleep. but it's cool in here.
***i am missing storm very much...my sex drive is coming back but he's not feeling very good. it's starting to annoy me.
***all these friends want me to go out to eat/drink with them now that i'm not working. i want to be good on my new diet & i know that going out is a bad idea...plus, i'm really cool with the idea of waiting...which i think is really the main reason i don't want to go out...i just don't want to go.
***my belly dance class is going to be really hot & she makes you sweat. that's all, i just hate sweating...i really hate it.
***above my front door i put the sign "beyond this place there be dragons" just to make a statement....i love it...and i am starting to believe it.
okay, that's enough...this has been a small tour of wind walker's brain....hope you enjoyed it.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
the big task....
so i have a meeting today with jenny craig....i am getting so sick of this weight, but apparently not sick enough to stop my bad eating habits, so i thought a strict diet will do the trick. at least to get a jump start on things...
i go to a belly-dance class twice a week. and it's hard and painful (she's teaching us how to do the splits) but i feel great afterwards....
i've spent my whole life trying not to jiggle when i move, i had a hard time letting go of that....but i have curves which look good when i do the moves correctly....and i love moving like that. my body feels sexy and my muscles are sore afterwards but there's something erotic about moving so exotically.
it's funny, the only thing i felt insecure about when i started was the fact that everyone was so dressed up....but fear not, oh i caught up!! i have several outfits, coin belts, fringe belts...etc.
here's a picture of my coin bra.....it's heavy as all hell, but it's really cool!! enjoy!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
gratitude tuesday - w
i've decided to participate in gratitude tuesday and since ceeci is on "w", i thought i would start on the same letter.
warrior - that's what i call my storm. no matter the situation, i can always depend on him to act like my strong warrior.
woman - that's what he calls me. i look to the strength on my womanhood to guide me....i believe in the power of women and their strength. it kills me that women in other cultures have been looked down upon...
work - i love my work.i love teaching...it is so hard, but so worth it. it's the greatest thing i've ever done in my "working life".
wind - i love the wind....i love feeling on my face. i feel the earth's power in the wind, i feel calm and at peace in the wind.
wolves - i feel that wolves are my spirit animal...i have a tattoo of a wolf on my shoulder.
water - i live by the water and i love to watch the waves coming in. storm and i drink coffee out on this pier and just watch the water. it's amazing.
wagging tails - i love when you walk in the door and a dog comes running up and their tail is wagging away....
whales - i went whale watching once. it was really cool to watch the sprays and to see a tail come up in the water.
wicked - this play was awesome and i think everyone should see it.
wicca - i love learning about wicca. it's an old belief and i relate to it. i still have to practice what i've learned, but i look forward to putting it into practice.
wine - i love meeting friends over dinner and a glass of wine...or two...
warmth - my favorite place is snuggled in a warm blanket in a cold room. i love it!!
winter - is my favorite season. i like being warm in a cool enviornment. you can always add on layers but when it's hot, you are screwed.
wigs - i take every opportunity to wear wigs when i can. you can change your look for one day or for a few hours.
werewolves - this one boy always pretended he was a werewolf....so i could get him to do his work by saying "a werewolf would count for me" so i'm very grateful to werewolves.
whips - enough said....i'm grateful to my whip.
willow tree - very pretty, and sacred
woodchucks - how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
wizard of oz - when i was little, i used to perform "somewhere over the rainbow" to anyone who would listen....doctor's offices, where ever...in fact, there's a tape i made when i was five singing it....i didn't know all the words, but it's pretty funny.
where the heart is - i love that movie....i love movies where people pull themselves out of a bad place and into a better life...
wind walker - i'm glad to be back and have been feeling more like myself when i write as wind walker. i've written under different names, but have never been as satisfied or as proud to be wind walker...
*******
so there's my list. i hope you enjoy.
warrior - that's what i call my storm. no matter the situation, i can always depend on him to act like my strong warrior.
woman - that's what he calls me. i look to the strength on my womanhood to guide me....i believe in the power of women and their strength. it kills me that women in other cultures have been looked down upon...
work - i love my work.i love teaching...it is so hard, but so worth it. it's the greatest thing i've ever done in my "working life".
wind - i love the wind....i love feeling on my face. i feel the earth's power in the wind, i feel calm and at peace in the wind.
wolves - i feel that wolves are my spirit animal...i have a tattoo of a wolf on my shoulder.
water - i live by the water and i love to watch the waves coming in. storm and i drink coffee out on this pier and just watch the water. it's amazing.
wagging tails - i love when you walk in the door and a dog comes running up and their tail is wagging away....
whales - i went whale watching once. it was really cool to watch the sprays and to see a tail come up in the water.
wicked - this play was awesome and i think everyone should see it.
wicca - i love learning about wicca. it's an old belief and i relate to it. i still have to practice what i've learned, but i look forward to putting it into practice.
wine - i love meeting friends over dinner and a glass of wine...or two...
warmth - my favorite place is snuggled in a warm blanket in a cold room. i love it!!
winter - is my favorite season. i like being warm in a cool enviornment. you can always add on layers but when it's hot, you are screwed.
wigs - i take every opportunity to wear wigs when i can. you can change your look for one day or for a few hours.
werewolves - this one boy always pretended he was a werewolf....so i could get him to do his work by saying "a werewolf would count for me" so i'm very grateful to werewolves.
whips - enough said....i'm grateful to my whip.
willow tree - very pretty, and sacred
woodchucks - how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
wizard of oz - when i was little, i used to perform "somewhere over the rainbow" to anyone who would listen....doctor's offices, where ever...in fact, there's a tape i made when i was five singing it....i didn't know all the words, but it's pretty funny.
where the heart is - i love that movie....i love movies where people pull themselves out of a bad place and into a better life...
wind walker - i'm glad to be back and have been feeling more like myself when i write as wind walker. i've written under different names, but have never been as satisfied or as proud to be wind walker...
*******
so there's my list. i hope you enjoy.
Monday, June 11, 2007
personal updates...
i haven't really updated anyone on my personal life....so i thought i would take a moment....
my brother is having a baby....so i'm gonna be an aunt. i can't wait for that, but it was a little annoying hearing my mother say "thank god it's not you!! after all, he's more settled..."
meaning he has a significant other she approves of (sorry storm)....i have a career and my brother has a job...and that's about it...we both have our own places, cats (i have a turtle and a cat), a car, a cell phone, cable in our own names, blah, blah, blah...
my brother wasn't planning on having any children...he's bipolar & i think that's one of the reasons....plus, he always said he didn't like kids....but once he met up with the love of his life (i say that sincerely), everything changed...i think he proves that you can change men, but only if you are the right woman.
i think they are in for a rude awakening...his fiance said she had to postpone her trip to india until next year...and she can't wait to have the baby so she can have a drink...she has yet to give up smoking all together...a doctor told her to cut back and she has, but it's the quitting part that hasn't happened yet...
they have a massive house, but all the rooms are rented out...and i keep thinking, doesn't the baby get his/her own room??? granted, i don't have experience, but i think babies take up space...and money, and time...
ah well, they are happy and i'm happy for them...i hope she's going to be a good mother to my neice/nephew, so far i'm more impressed with my brother...although, his work is pretty much already done as far as growing the baby.
and since i've yet to be pregnant, maybe i should stop judging. but i am a teacher, which i think gives me a red carpet for judging parenting skills, but they are family....which should give me even more right to judge...
overall, i'm gonna be an auntie....and as much as i want to be one of those cool aunts my neice/nephew can come to for everything, i'm still a teacher and so i think the kid is screwed in some aspects...
if it's a girl, i already have my "should you have sex" speech already prepared: you should wait, it's not going to be any good for awhile anyways...(think about it, teen sex....would you go back??) wait until the guy knows what he's doing...
if it's a boy: wrap it, wrap it, wrap it....i can't stop you....
my brother is having a baby....so i'm gonna be an aunt. i can't wait for that, but it was a little annoying hearing my mother say "thank god it's not you!! after all, he's more settled..."
meaning he has a significant other she approves of (sorry storm)....i have a career and my brother has a job...and that's about it...we both have our own places, cats (i have a turtle and a cat), a car, a cell phone, cable in our own names, blah, blah, blah...
my brother wasn't planning on having any children...he's bipolar & i think that's one of the reasons....plus, he always said he didn't like kids....but once he met up with the love of his life (i say that sincerely), everything changed...i think he proves that you can change men, but only if you are the right woman.
i think they are in for a rude awakening...his fiance said she had to postpone her trip to india until next year...and she can't wait to have the baby so she can have a drink...she has yet to give up smoking all together...a doctor told her to cut back and she has, but it's the quitting part that hasn't happened yet...
they have a massive house, but all the rooms are rented out...and i keep thinking, doesn't the baby get his/her own room??? granted, i don't have experience, but i think babies take up space...and money, and time...
ah well, they are happy and i'm happy for them...i hope she's going to be a good mother to my neice/nephew, so far i'm more impressed with my brother...although, his work is pretty much already done as far as growing the baby.
and since i've yet to be pregnant, maybe i should stop judging. but i am a teacher, which i think gives me a red carpet for judging parenting skills, but they are family....which should give me even more right to judge...
overall, i'm gonna be an auntie....and as much as i want to be one of those cool aunts my neice/nephew can come to for everything, i'm still a teacher and so i think the kid is screwed in some aspects...
if it's a girl, i already have my "should you have sex" speech already prepared: you should wait, it's not going to be any good for awhile anyways...(think about it, teen sex....would you go back??) wait until the guy knows what he's doing...
if it's a boy: wrap it, wrap it, wrap it....i can't stop you....
Sunday, June 10, 2007
the fog has lifted, for now...
aaaaahhhh, i'm normal again....for the next three weeks anyways...
i got to spend a long time talking with storm....where i opened up about my fears....my biggest fear is now that he has a woman who is so hard core with him (and a better match for his kink level), why on earth would he want to continue with my low-level kink?
and his answer? because it's him and i....he says he connects with me....and to prove it, he paddled me a little...
since it's been almost a year and i didn't know if i would still like it, he was gentle.....it was just enough to sting...
and i remembered the sting. it's going to take a little bit before i can go back to the stings i was able to take before, but i remembered....in fact, when he was lightly paddling me, i was remembering the wooden spoon i grew so fond of....the way i used to look at kitchen supplies...the fun we had trying new things, and the pleasure i used to take from looking in the mirror at my bruised tushy...
it made me feel closer to him again, and we both needed that.
if you let your life get busy and don't make things a priority, they fall to the wasteside....it's so easy to push things off...
although, in all fairness, my fractured rib was a legitimate reason to not spank (thank you bronchitus)....but i let life get in the way...
and my sex drive was paying the price...since that little spank....my sex drive seems to be returning...and i want to break out that spoon again.
ah, red stingy tushy, how i missed you!!!
i got to spend a long time talking with storm....where i opened up about my fears....my biggest fear is now that he has a woman who is so hard core with him (and a better match for his kink level), why on earth would he want to continue with my low-level kink?
and his answer? because it's him and i....he says he connects with me....and to prove it, he paddled me a little...
since it's been almost a year and i didn't know if i would still like it, he was gentle.....it was just enough to sting...
and i remembered the sting. it's going to take a little bit before i can go back to the stings i was able to take before, but i remembered....in fact, when he was lightly paddling me, i was remembering the wooden spoon i grew so fond of....the way i used to look at kitchen supplies...the fun we had trying new things, and the pleasure i used to take from looking in the mirror at my bruised tushy...
it made me feel closer to him again, and we both needed that.
if you let your life get busy and don't make things a priority, they fall to the wasteside....it's so easy to push things off...
although, in all fairness, my fractured rib was a legitimate reason to not spank (thank you bronchitus)....but i let life get in the way...
and my sex drive was paying the price...since that little spank....my sex drive seems to be returning...and i want to break out that spoon again.
ah, red stingy tushy, how i missed you!!!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
today was hard....
work has taken a big piece of my life right now...and i'm actually grateful for the distraction....
i am having a hard time today....
since my last blog, i found out that i have pmdd....which is a really bad form of pms....which i used to get spanked, but i haven't been spanked in almost a year...but the pmdd is a battle....one that can leave me sucidal or in a rage....
so i'm depressed today and i'm feeling like there's no hope. i don't know if it's from certain circumstances or just my pmdd. it feels real and my mind says that this is really bad....normally, my mind tells me i'm being crazy but my heart rages....
i feel like i'm losing storm rider. i allowed something to happen, but it's going out of control.
as you know i'm poly....there is a new "sister-slave"....i thought she would be good for him...and she is...she's willing to do things that i'm not....and i don't want to deny him anything....and if i don't want to do it and he still loves me, then why shouldn't he? i'm not jealous....
but things are happening that i'm not apart of....and i really should talk to storm first, but with his surgery....it's hard for me to get a hold of him....so it eats me alive....and i just suffer....
what do you do when you see things happening, but you can't even express them, much less do something about them? when up is down and down is up and even though it seems based on actions, it may be a symptom of a disorder.
i don't really want to kill myself....but when things go bad, i feel like i do....my brain tells me "never!!" but my heart just wants the pain to stop....
and there's no storm to talk to....
so i throw myself into my work...because that's the only way the pain goes away...when i'm teaching, all my baggage goes away....the mood swings are gone, the pain is gone...i'm totally devoted to the kids....
i feel like i'm giving storm a wonderful gift...but the cost is part of my soul....
i am having a hard time today....
since my last blog, i found out that i have pmdd....which is a really bad form of pms....which i used to get spanked, but i haven't been spanked in almost a year...but the pmdd is a battle....one that can leave me sucidal or in a rage....
so i'm depressed today and i'm feeling like there's no hope. i don't know if it's from certain circumstances or just my pmdd. it feels real and my mind says that this is really bad....normally, my mind tells me i'm being crazy but my heart rages....
i feel like i'm losing storm rider. i allowed something to happen, but it's going out of control.
as you know i'm poly....there is a new "sister-slave"....i thought she would be good for him...and she is...she's willing to do things that i'm not....and i don't want to deny him anything....and if i don't want to do it and he still loves me, then why shouldn't he? i'm not jealous....
but things are happening that i'm not apart of....and i really should talk to storm first, but with his surgery....it's hard for me to get a hold of him....so it eats me alive....and i just suffer....
what do you do when you see things happening, but you can't even express them, much less do something about them? when up is down and down is up and even though it seems based on actions, it may be a symptom of a disorder.
i don't really want to kill myself....but when things go bad, i feel like i do....my brain tells me "never!!" but my heart just wants the pain to stop....
and there's no storm to talk to....
so i throw myself into my work...because that's the only way the pain goes away...when i'm teaching, all my baggage goes away....the mood swings are gone, the pain is gone...i'm totally devoted to the kids....
i feel like i'm giving storm a wonderful gift...but the cost is part of my soul....
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