and we have a title!!!

well, things are progressing as far as setting up a meeting with one of the guys...he actually seems cool, and not scary at all...which is a good thing!!!

so far in my jenny craig diet, i've lost almost 10 pounds!! which is great, but i still wish it was more...but in a month, that's pretty darn good.

and i've upped my belly dancing too. i'm taking a more advanced class...which is alot harder, but i think i'm improving...

and i'm set to debut my belly dancing at a belly dance festival in september...yikes!!

i'm really nervous about it, but my footwork's improved so now it's about incorporating all the other movements....like hip work.

all my life i've tried not to jiggle when i move...my mother's voice would come into my head "you jiggle too much when you walk"

and so now i don't, which sucks because for the first time in my life...i need to let go and just jiggle.

so now for the million dollar question: how does one get one's mother's voice out of one's head????

belly dancing is harder than i thought it would be....i'm loving it, but it's hard.

day two with no title...okay then.

the title of my post would have been "not such a heartless bitch".

as i have mentioned before, i have a "sister-slave". i put in in quotes because she and i really have little to no interactions with each other...in truth, we don't seem to get along well. storm says we may never get along....and i'm okay with that.

it's not really anything against her...we just seem to clash. we're two women who are very important to storm and i think our egos tend to get in the way.

but here's why i'm not jealous of her, despite what others might think: storm finds so much joy in being her Master and she in being his slave. they are kinky...her blog was one of those hard core blogs i would read with my hand over my mouth in amazement of the kink levels...

i decided not to read her blog after realizing that their lifestyle is completely different than mine with storm. they do things together that i really have no interest in doing. and i realized that it didn't take anything away from me. storm loves me for me, and i love him for him. and i felt they needed their own space...they needed a place to be themselves on that level...

whenever i tried to push past my kink level, it wouldn't work. it didn't come natural to me.i would be damn near faking my interest and storm would just hold back.

and then he found a woman he didn't have to hold back on...he found a woman who could take him...in all his glory. and i envied that. i almost wished i could be that woman....BUT it's not me.

and that thought was a painful one...it's taken me a while to become okay with that....but storm helped with that....he opened up and told me a little story...and at the same time i was listening to his story, two things occured to me: 1) i could NEVER do that and 2) he had so much joy in telling me.

his joy came from two places, he really enjoyed her and he really enjoyed him being able to be open with me....and so all i could reply was "i'm so glad you found a woman you can do that with!!!"

i always thought i could never deny storm anything, and i'm glad to find out that i was right...i want him to be happy, i want him to be fullfilled....

it just so happens it takes two of us, that's all.

the reason this came about was that, the two of them have ended things...however, i don't think it's over. i can't imagine her able to walk away from him....not just because she likes the lifestyle, but because once storm fullfills your fantasy, you can't go back to the real world and not feel like a piece of your soul is missing.

i don't know if she's reading this....but i'm sorry for her pain. i truly feel for her.

being with storm takes a bit of sacrifice...you never quite fit in the normal world afterwards...but who wants to be normal anyways?

for some reason, i can't type a title....hmmmm...whatever!!

so things are slowing down again and i should be able to blog...there's a lot going on right now, but i'm not sure with how much i want to talk about.

some of it doesn't involve me (not that i want to badmouth anyone - i know, shocker!!!) but i'll have to ask storm if i can mention things.

as some of you may remember, i have gone out in the past & videotaped myself with other guys to show storm. it's made for some pretty hot moments, let me tell you....

it's not so much that storm can't satisfy me, but i really, really enjoy performing for him...and if the sex is good then it's a bonus!!

i made a posting on-line and have gotten over 100 responses....but some of them are so stupid...i'm posting under casual encounters & i get responses saying "i want to find a girl who loves me for who i am..." i want to say "well, i can give you a few hints why you've been unlucky thus far!!"

i get responses for sexual things that were not in my post at ALL. for example: did you know that i sound like the perfect canidate for fisting???? didn't realize i was putting that out...i'll have to be more careful.

one guy wanted me to bathe him and worship his body....then once i bring him "pleasure", we lie in my bed and cuddle....

**gag, choke**

some guys just respond like: "lets hit it. where you at?"

some are REALLY sly: "i'm only available during the day and i can't host." hmmmm, let me guess why that is.

i'm not using any of my real information...and i plan on meeting them in a public location first...like a starbucks/cafe. i am spelling out exactly what i want and my boundaries....and i have them e-mail me for a bit before i meet them, just to make sure they are on the up and up.

and i must say, it takes longer this way, but it's much more successful than trying to find a guy in a bar!!!

i will most likely be posting my results...cause the funny responses are so worth sharing!!!

i decorated my wrist with poop!!

yeah, the bottle said "henna paste", but i have some serious doubts.

by the time i finally got the paste to come out of the tube, the end exploded and left a blob of "poop" that was supposed to be a pretty design.

lucky for me, i washed it off before it could stain...after all....i don't want to be left looking like i don't wash my wrists....

that's just yucky!!!