my own pride & prejudice

it has come to my attention that i am a snob of sorts.....a pride and prejudice snob.....

i was introduced to the story several years ago by my co-worker. bbc's version staring colin firth (the best darcy EVER) had just come out and my co-worker loaned it to me. now this was a six hour mini-series, but it was excellent and so well done that six hours was the exact amount of time you needed to see this wonderful story come to life.

i loved the mini-series so much, that i had to read the book. which i found that the bbc version adapted quite faithfully (which i really wasn't surprised to find out). i enjoyed the book but continued to watch colin firth's career and was thrilled to read Bridget Jone's Diary which was a modern take on the book with the author writing her Mark Darcy with colin firth in mind. (which is why i loved, loved that he was in the movie - no one else could play him.)

my mother suggested that i watch her favorite version, with greer garson and laurence olivier made in 1940. i hated that movie...they changed the plot and the costumes were the wrong, WRONG period. they had elizabeth deny Mr. Darcy a dance, which infuriated me. a woman of her rank would NEVER deny a man of Mr. Darcy's. i hate, HATE that version, it's wrong, wrong, wrong.

so i kept my snobbish view points....nothing was going to change my mind. when keira knightly's version came out, i was so not interested. first of all, how can you faithfully tell that story in less than 2 hours? and the preview showed some lines that never happened. i didn't trust hollywood. would a version 65 years later be any good? and who was this nobody playing mr. darcy? he was no colin firth!!!

but i was bored one day flipping through the channels and felt like watching a movie i would hate (ever feel like that?) and yes, things were different. but they were little things the heart of the story was much the same. i found this elizabeth more soulfull and you felt her longing for mr. darcy and the music moved me to tears.

so i was wrong...i loved this movie...i loved it despite the changes because truth be found, i love the story of elizabeth bennet and mr. darcy....1940's version wasn't true to elizabeth, who i felt she was and how i felt she would respond.i didn't mind subtle changes as long as the core didn't change. (and apparently the costumes)

during an interview, one of the actors said that women feel some sort of ownership of the story, that in some sense, it's their story and belongs to them. that they feel certain actors are totally wrong...which i find is true. pride and prejudice belongs to me somehow, and you can't fuck with my story. and it's nice to know, that i'm not the only woman who feels this way.

what a bitch!!

and by that, i mean me!!

i was in a bitchy mood today....not grouchy...but things kept happening that kept pissing me off.

i was uninformed that it was "ask questions we should already know the answers to" day with my kids. by the end of the day, i was dying!! interuptions, tattling, galore!!!

and then i went to this class where we had a bunch of parts to the final project. but they kept giving us only ten minutes to start each part, then we were expected to stop and finish that part later and move on. and i hate working that way....if i have five things to do, i want to finish one and then move on....it seemed like an a.d.d. class and it began to drive me crazy.

i probably wouldn't have been so grouchy if i didn't have hours of work for me to do today...a major report is due this week and conferences start next week. so i'm swamped...the last thing i want to worry about is this class. so i think that had a lot to do with it.

i can't wait for the thanksgiving holiday.....i so need a vacation...maybe i'll get myself a massage.....or use my gift certificate for a pedicure....only i hate people touching my feet, so maybe that won't be very relaxing....it really tickles me...

ah well....such is life. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

insert title here....

every time i think i'm going to write about something, it ends up not being sexual...and so i think, well maybe i shouldn't post it...then i have to explain where i've been what i've been doing and i don't really want to.

storm and i are still together. but work has been really busy and he's still recovering....

i've been really sick this last week...and i've been having a sex and the city marathon....especially since i cut my cable to save money....so no tv...but i've got netflix!!

i don't know if anyone is gonna be reading this, but that's okay. i just need an outlet....i've been feeling alone and no one to talk to...and i really like the idea of posting my thoughts anonymously...whether it be about kink or not...

it's just me....

and we have a title!!!

well, things are progressing as far as setting up a meeting with one of the guys...he actually seems cool, and not scary at all...which is a good thing!!!

so far in my jenny craig diet, i've lost almost 10 pounds!! which is great, but i still wish it was more...but in a month, that's pretty darn good.

and i've upped my belly dancing too. i'm taking a more advanced class...which is alot harder, but i think i'm improving...

and i'm set to debut my belly dancing at a belly dance festival in september...yikes!!

i'm really nervous about it, but my footwork's improved so now it's about incorporating all the other movements....like hip work.

all my life i've tried not to jiggle when i move...my mother's voice would come into my head "you jiggle too much when you walk"

and so now i don't, which sucks because for the first time in my life...i need to let go and just jiggle.

so now for the million dollar question: how does one get one's mother's voice out of one's head????

belly dancing is harder than i thought it would be....i'm loving it, but it's hard.

day two with no title...okay then.

the title of my post would have been "not such a heartless bitch".

as i have mentioned before, i have a "sister-slave". i put in in quotes because she and i really have little to no interactions with each other...in truth, we don't seem to get along well. storm says we may never get along....and i'm okay with that.

it's not really anything against her...we just seem to clash. we're two women who are very important to storm and i think our egos tend to get in the way.

but here's why i'm not jealous of her, despite what others might think: storm finds so much joy in being her Master and she in being his slave. they are kinky...her blog was one of those hard core blogs i would read with my hand over my mouth in amazement of the kink levels...

i decided not to read her blog after realizing that their lifestyle is completely different than mine with storm. they do things together that i really have no interest in doing. and i realized that it didn't take anything away from me. storm loves me for me, and i love him for him. and i felt they needed their own space...they needed a place to be themselves on that level...

whenever i tried to push past my kink level, it wouldn't work. it didn't come natural to me.i would be damn near faking my interest and storm would just hold back.

and then he found a woman he didn't have to hold back on...he found a woman who could take him...in all his glory. and i envied that. i almost wished i could be that woman....BUT it's not me.

and that thought was a painful one...it's taken me a while to become okay with that....but storm helped with that....he opened up and told me a little story...and at the same time i was listening to his story, two things occured to me: 1) i could NEVER do that and 2) he had so much joy in telling me.

his joy came from two places, he really enjoyed her and he really enjoyed him being able to be open with me....and so all i could reply was "i'm so glad you found a woman you can do that with!!!"

i always thought i could never deny storm anything, and i'm glad to find out that i was right...i want him to be happy, i want him to be fullfilled....

it just so happens it takes two of us, that's all.

the reason this came about was that, the two of them have ended things...however, i don't think it's over. i can't imagine her able to walk away from him....not just because she likes the lifestyle, but because once storm fullfills your fantasy, you can't go back to the real world and not feel like a piece of your soul is missing.

i don't know if she's reading this....but i'm sorry for her pain. i truly feel for her.

being with storm takes a bit of sacrifice...you never quite fit in the normal world afterwards...but who wants to be normal anyways?

for some reason, i can't type a title....hmmmm...whatever!!

so things are slowing down again and i should be able to blog...there's a lot going on right now, but i'm not sure with how much i want to talk about.

some of it doesn't involve me (not that i want to badmouth anyone - i know, shocker!!!) but i'll have to ask storm if i can mention things.

as some of you may remember, i have gone out in the past & videotaped myself with other guys to show storm. it's made for some pretty hot moments, let me tell you....

it's not so much that storm can't satisfy me, but i really, really enjoy performing for him...and if the sex is good then it's a bonus!!

i made a posting on-line and have gotten over 100 responses....but some of them are so stupid...i'm posting under casual encounters & i get responses saying "i want to find a girl who loves me for who i am..." i want to say "well, i can give you a few hints why you've been unlucky thus far!!"

i get responses for sexual things that were not in my post at ALL. for example: did you know that i sound like the perfect canidate for fisting???? didn't realize i was putting that out...i'll have to be more careful.

one guy wanted me to bathe him and worship his body....then once i bring him "pleasure", we lie in my bed and cuddle....

**gag, choke**

some guys just respond like: "lets hit it. where you at?"

some are REALLY sly: "i'm only available during the day and i can't host." hmmmm, let me guess why that is.

i'm not using any of my real information...and i plan on meeting them in a public location first...like a starbucks/cafe. i am spelling out exactly what i want and my boundaries....and i have them e-mail me for a bit before i meet them, just to make sure they are on the up and up.

and i must say, it takes longer this way, but it's much more successful than trying to find a guy in a bar!!!

i will most likely be posting my results...cause the funny responses are so worth sharing!!!

i decorated my wrist with poop!!

yeah, the bottle said "henna paste", but i have some serious doubts.

by the time i finally got the paste to come out of the tube, the end exploded and left a blob of "poop" that was supposed to be a pretty design.

lucky for me, i washed it off before it could stain...after all....i don't want to be left looking like i don't wash my wrists....

that's just yucky!!!